October 12, 2016
On Friendship
Alexander Nehamas
Edmund N. Carpenter II Class of 1943 Professor in the Humanities and professor of philosophy and comparative literature, Princeton University
On Friendship
Alexander Nehamas
Edmund N. Carpenter II Class of 1943 Professor in the Humanities and professor of philosophy and comparative literature, Princeton University
Henry Von Kohorn, Alexander Nehamas and Landon Jo
Minutes of the Fifth Meeting of the 75th Year
On Oct. 12, 2016, 79 Old Guard members attended the fifth meeting of the Old Guard of Princeton’s 75th year. Charles Clark led the invocation, and Patrick Henry read the minutes of the Oct. 5 meeting. Landon Jones introduced his guest, Barb Webb.
John Cotton introduced the speaker, Dr. Alexander Nehamas.
The presentation took the form of a discussion between Mr. Jones and Dr. Nehamas, centering on passages from Dr. Nehamas’s book “On Friendship.” Questions and answers from members were interspersed throughout the presentation.
One excerpt from the book was about Dr. Nehamas’s childhood in Greece where he attended an academically rigorous boarding school. He formed many deep friendships but left Greece for the United States soon after graduation. It was years before he returned to Greece and again met with his school friends. He said that even though everyone had undergone many changes, the friendships seemed more affectionate then they were at the time they were in school. He saw how the friendship of schoolmates who had stayed in Greece had a profound effect on the shape of their lives and lives of their families.
Dr. Nehamas talked about the fact that friendships are not inert but crucial to what we become in life, that while they may be supportive in nature they may also be a challenge for each of the friends to grow.
Reading a second passage, Dr. Nehamas noted that Aristotle said friends loved each other for themselves, for their essence, virtues and character. Dr. Nehamas did not agree that those points are essential to friendships. We love our friends not only for who they are but also for who they may come to be, which may be virtuous or not, and what we may become because of the friendship. There is a commitment to an unknown future in a real friendship.
He said there are no immutable characteristics of friendships. Friends may participate in every possible type of activity. They may be similar in their beliefs or it may be the differences that draw people together. We do not necessarily love the same thing in all our friends. It can be different features in different friends.
Children can form friendships and change friendships as they age and their needs change. For adults, it is difficult to make new friends after 40 because you may have to change yourself as a result of a friendship and at that age change is more difficult.
A question was asked about whether men and women can be true friends. While the possibility of sexual tension is a perennial problem, it is possible and not that difficult although people think it will be.
Another question was why women have lots of friends and men do not have as many. While that may be true in the United States, it is culturally different in Greece, where friendship among men is much more common. People in Greece often go out in groups on a daily basis while that is less common here.
In the last reading, Dr. Nehamas said, we rely on our friends to listen attentively and sympathetically, although not uncritically. We speak to our friends freely, perhaps more freely than we speak to ourselves. In doing this we reveal aspects of ourselves of which we may be suspicious, unsure or even ignorant.
Respectfully submitted,
Carl Cangelosi
John Cotton introduced the speaker, Dr. Alexander Nehamas.
The presentation took the form of a discussion between Mr. Jones and Dr. Nehamas, centering on passages from Dr. Nehamas’s book “On Friendship.” Questions and answers from members were interspersed throughout the presentation.
One excerpt from the book was about Dr. Nehamas’s childhood in Greece where he attended an academically rigorous boarding school. He formed many deep friendships but left Greece for the United States soon after graduation. It was years before he returned to Greece and again met with his school friends. He said that even though everyone had undergone many changes, the friendships seemed more affectionate then they were at the time they were in school. He saw how the friendship of schoolmates who had stayed in Greece had a profound effect on the shape of their lives and lives of their families.
Dr. Nehamas talked about the fact that friendships are not inert but crucial to what we become in life, that while they may be supportive in nature they may also be a challenge for each of the friends to grow.
Reading a second passage, Dr. Nehamas noted that Aristotle said friends loved each other for themselves, for their essence, virtues and character. Dr. Nehamas did not agree that those points are essential to friendships. We love our friends not only for who they are but also for who they may come to be, which may be virtuous or not, and what we may become because of the friendship. There is a commitment to an unknown future in a real friendship.
He said there are no immutable characteristics of friendships. Friends may participate in every possible type of activity. They may be similar in their beliefs or it may be the differences that draw people together. We do not necessarily love the same thing in all our friends. It can be different features in different friends.
Children can form friendships and change friendships as they age and their needs change. For adults, it is difficult to make new friends after 40 because you may have to change yourself as a result of a friendship and at that age change is more difficult.
A question was asked about whether men and women can be true friends. While the possibility of sexual tension is a perennial problem, it is possible and not that difficult although people think it will be.
Another question was why women have lots of friends and men do not have as many. While that may be true in the United States, it is culturally different in Greece, where friendship among men is much more common. People in Greece often go out in groups on a daily basis while that is less common here.
In the last reading, Dr. Nehamas said, we rely on our friends to listen attentively and sympathetically, although not uncritically. We speak to our friends freely, perhaps more freely than we speak to ourselves. In doing this we reveal aspects of ourselves of which we may be suspicious, unsure or even ignorant.
Respectfully submitted,
Carl Cangelosi