November 4, 2009
The Fine - Sometimes Delicate Art of Grandparenting
Barbara Graham, Editor
Eye of My Heart, Essays on Grandparenting
Minutes of the Eighth Meeting of the 68th Year
The 8th meeting of the 68th year of the Old Guard of Princeton took place on November 4, 2009 at the Friend Center.The meeting was called to order by President George Hansen. The invocation was led by Don Edwards. The minutes of October 28th were read by Jim Livingston, in the absence of the original minute-taker, James Deneen. Guests were: Patty Tiebout, introduced by John Tiebout; Jack Wolinetz, introduced by Janet Wolinetz, Natalie Cruickshank, introduced by Philip Cruickshank;Sarah Jones, introduced by Landon Jones, and Lib Buttenheim, introduced by Edgar Buttenheim.
Landon Jones introduced the speaker, Barbara Graham, whose topic was "The Fine, Sometimes Delicate Art of Grandparenting."
Operational instructions for grandparents include sitting in the back seat--not the driver's seat, and though the relationship between a grandchild and grandparent may be utterly direct and pure, it can be both complicated and obscured by--parents.
We are much more aware today of how different familes can be: --blended, same-sex, custodial, adopted. Distance is, of course, a factor, with many children far from their own parents..Grandparents may be stepping into two job families, with the additional acheduling and stress that often involves.The internet is replacing grandparental wisdom, with contemporary blogs by peers providing information that grandma used to dispense.
Despite these "modern" changes--the ability to talk far more openly with our children then we may have been talked to, and despite being part of what Ms. Graham described as a "juicy, complex, non-Hallmark" relationship, some issues remain unchanged:
How do I seem? Where do I fit in? Do I ever offer advice? How do I deal with the absolute urge to be an Alpha Nana?How do I get beyond old issues, old insecurities with my own children?
Another complication, of course, is whether one is the maternal or paternal grandparent--what that means in terms of closeness, quite apart from access.
Throughout, one overarching truth prevails: Exercise extreme anatomical muscular discipline--i.e. Curb Your Tongue!
But remember: with all its complications, grandparenting can--and does--provide the magesterial second chance: to be wiser, more tolerant, calmer and is a palpable marker of love and concern. As our speaker concluded: The (grandparental) heart is a very generous muscle: it stretches to infinite lengths to provide enough love for everyone.
Despite these "modern" changes--the abiility to talk far more openly with our children then we may have been talked to, and despite being part of what Ms. Graham described as a "juicy, complex, non-Hallmark" relationship, some issues remain unchanged:
How do I seem? Where do I fit in? Do I ever offer advice? How do I deal with the absolute urge to be an Alpha Nana?How do I get beyond old issues, old insecurities with my own children?
Another complication, of course, is whether one is the maternal or paternal grandparent--what that means in terms of closeness, quite apart from access..
Throughout, one overarching truth prevails: Exercise extreme anatomical muscular discipline--i.e. Curb Your Tongue!
But remember: with all its complications, grandparenting can--and does--provide the magesterial second chance: to be wiser, more tolerant, calmer and is a palpable marker of love and concern. As our speaker concluded: The (grandparental) heart is a very generous muscle: it stretches to infinite lengths to provide enough love for everyone.
Respectfully submitted.
Claire R. Jacobus
Landon Jones introduced the speaker, Barbara Graham, whose topic was "The Fine, Sometimes Delicate Art of Grandparenting."
Operational instructions for grandparents include sitting in the back seat--not the driver's seat, and though the relationship between a grandchild and grandparent may be utterly direct and pure, it can be both complicated and obscured by--parents.
We are much more aware today of how different familes can be: --blended, same-sex, custodial, adopted. Distance is, of course, a factor, with many children far from their own parents..Grandparents may be stepping into two job families, with the additional acheduling and stress that often involves.The internet is replacing grandparental wisdom, with contemporary blogs by peers providing information that grandma used to dispense.
Despite these "modern" changes--the ability to talk far more openly with our children then we may have been talked to, and despite being part of what Ms. Graham described as a "juicy, complex, non-Hallmark" relationship, some issues remain unchanged:
How do I seem? Where do I fit in? Do I ever offer advice? How do I deal with the absolute urge to be an Alpha Nana?How do I get beyond old issues, old insecurities with my own children?
Another complication, of course, is whether one is the maternal or paternal grandparent--what that means in terms of closeness, quite apart from access.
Throughout, one overarching truth prevails: Exercise extreme anatomical muscular discipline--i.e. Curb Your Tongue!
But remember: with all its complications, grandparenting can--and does--provide the magesterial second chance: to be wiser, more tolerant, calmer and is a palpable marker of love and concern. As our speaker concluded: The (grandparental) heart is a very generous muscle: it stretches to infinite lengths to provide enough love for everyone.
Despite these "modern" changes--the abiility to talk far more openly with our children then we may have been talked to, and despite being part of what Ms. Graham described as a "juicy, complex, non-Hallmark" relationship, some issues remain unchanged:
How do I seem? Where do I fit in? Do I ever offer advice? How do I deal with the absolute urge to be an Alpha Nana?How do I get beyond old issues, old insecurities with my own children?
Another complication, of course, is whether one is the maternal or paternal grandparent--what that means in terms of closeness, quite apart from access..
Throughout, one overarching truth prevails: Exercise extreme anatomical muscular discipline--i.e. Curb Your Tongue!
But remember: with all its complications, grandparenting can--and does--provide the magesterial second chance: to be wiser, more tolerant, calmer and is a palpable marker of love and concern. As our speaker concluded: The (grandparental) heart is a very generous muscle: it stretches to infinite lengths to provide enough love for everyone.
Respectfully submitted.
Claire R. Jacobus